Freedom to Work Hard. Wait. WHAT?!?!

Can adults become disciplined? 

Looking back over the first 32 years of Jay, I’ve noticed something.  I like doing things I enjoy.

That last sentence should earn me a Pulitzer.

I like doing things I enjoy.  And I seem to enjoy things that aren’t too difficult. 

I was good at baseball and basketball.  If I would have spent time away from practice working, I could have been really good.  I never got there.

I played the saxophone and, with practice, I could have been Boots Randolph good… nope. 

I tried learning Spanish with cds recently… No bueno.

So the fact that I have purposefully (and a few times, FORCEFULLY) been active this week has surprised me.

I haven’t been this faithful doing something I didn’t enjoy in years.  Seven years to be exact.

During our first few months of marriage in 2003, my wife and I decided to try the Atkins Diet.  We survived the strictest two weeks.  We were proud and surprised.

Jay – “Good job us!”

Rachel – “We should celebrate.”

Jay – “Dominoes?”
Rachel – “Thin crust.”

Jay – “I’ll call”

Best pizza EVER. 

The wall’s coming.  I’ve hit it before and bounced off.  I don’t know if I can feel it or if I’m just scared of it.

So, what is it that keeps people going down this road? 

Desire?  I have it.  But I’ve had it before.

Dedication?  But how do you keep it? 

Fear?  I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t get healthy, but is fear a good enough motivator?

Is this the time passion overpowers apathy?

I once felt stuck.  Stuck in my emotional cage.  Stuck in this obese body.  The stuck-ness led to a malaise that overwhelmed any desire I had to reach out or change.

I gotta be honest.  As I type, I’m surprised I DON’T feel that anymore.  (Maybe I should write a few drafts before posting things!)

It’s like Jesus has taken an emotional ice cream scoop and dug out the old parts of me that kept me from acting.

I used to watch The Biggest Loser and think the emotional breakdowns were just something producers engineered to make the show more endearing. 

I now see the point of their existence.

It’s the wound.

Very few people get stuck like this without one.

Life wounds us and we try to find ways to deal with the pain.

It has to be cleaned out before we can heal.  But I always chose the known pain over the unknown risk.

Maybe it’s not a matter of discipline.  Maybe it’s about Freedom.  Freedom from bondage.  Freedom to work at something that’s difficult.  Jesus promised that whoever he set free would be “free indeed.” 

He has set and is setting me free. 

Unhindered by emotional baggage, I can set my sights on whatever’s next in my life. 

I want to WANT to work out.  Yet part of me still wishes God would see my desire and miraculously turn me into a free runner by morning.

Now I know that I’ll get there, but it’s going to be step by step, inch by inch. 

And one morning in the not-so-distant future, I will wake up a free runner.  Or a SCUBA diver.  Or a tri-athlete.  Or a break dancer… 

…

Well, maybe not a tri-athlete.