Comfort at the Bottom of a Doritos Bag

I wished Festivus was celebrated in October because I need to air some grievances.

Diet foods are terrible. 

There is no good diet soda.  You can keep your Dr Peppers and Coke Whatevers.  Diet soda is nasty.

Tofu should be banned in all 57 states. 

Those 100 calorie “Oreos” ARE NOT OREOS.

If I’m craving a Pepsi and a bag of Doritos, Diet Pepsi and Baked Lays won’t cut it.

If I order a cheeseburger, I will heave that veggie “burger” at you with all my might.

Why in the world would I accept the counterfeit when I want the real thing…

…

Oh GREAT.

For at least a decade I have taken my emotional needs to a frozen pizza and bag of Doritos. 

I went to the counterfeit comfort of food instead of intimacy with a loving Father who longs to free me from this.

Too scared to invite friends or family into my darkest night, I take my pain to that stuffed crust pizza and devour it.

The Apostle Peter wrote that we should “cast all our cares on” Jesus.  I’ve been scared to.  Maybe I was scared.  Maybe I didn’t trust him enough.

I hid my pain from everyone and instead of self medicating with alcohol or drugs, I abused food.

I’m finding that as I open up more of my heart I feel accepted, not condemned.  I feel closer to my friends, not further away. 

For six of our seven years of marriage, I subconsciously thought my wife needed a Knight whose armor shined unblemished by mistakes and pain.  That wasn’t me, so I tried to hide the chinks in my armor. 

Since December I have been methodically revealing that my armor isn’t so shiny.  Surprisingly, she knew.  Turns out, I’m not very good at hiding things. 

And the more I go to her with what’s on my heart… good, bad, indifferent… the more she responds with love and appreciation. 

She had wilted, emotionally.  When I started to simply share what was on my mind, I began to notice that she wasn’t wilted anymore… and neither was I.

Jesus is healing us, not by taking all the hurt away, but by mending our hearts together… something I had never let him do completely.

And as he is doing that, food’s hold over me is now the thing that’s wilting. 

I look forward to the day I no longer wage war against myself to turn away from the 7^th piece of pizza.  But the thing is, I can see that day coming.  That will be a pretty nice day.

And that low fat mayonnaise? 

“IT’S NOT MAYONNAISE”

(And if you were wondering, I did wake up early today and exercise.  I also skipped Doughnut Thursday at work.  And right before adding this post script, I delighted in a Blue Bunny Champ with my wife…  Thanks for the prayer and support, and keep praying!!)